My
First Online Gaming Experience
August 9th, 2007 by Tim Lovett
I’ve
never been big on online gaming, or even traditional multiplayer
gaming for that matter. Everyone knows that sitting in a dark,
quiet room completely alone is the only way to truly enjoy
a videogame.
But as my
elders used to say, anything is worth trying at least once.
My elders were stupid.
In 1997, my
parents bought a new PC complete with a 56k modem and AOL
3.0, putting us right on the cutting edge of technology, though
all this meant to me was, “sweet, another videogame
system!” My father felt otherwise and justified the
purchase with a lecture about how the wonderful device would
increase our ability to gather information and communicate
with others. He then promptly became addicted to Solitare
and Freecell for the next eight months.
The simple
wonders of electronic card games just didn’t cut it
for me, however, I needed a real game, damn it! So one day,
with about $55 in my pocket and a burning need for entertainment
without physical activity, I browsed for my first PC game.
Being ignorant
of the existence of online game reviews, but too stubborn
to piss away money on a gaming magazine, I was at the mercy
of the box art and descriptions. I had to be careful, one
little misjudgment and it could be Primal Rage all
over again (the box had a bloodthirsty gorilla on it; there
was no way it could suck!).
I skimmed
the shelves judging anything that caught my attention. Nascar…no,
Tomb Raider…boring, Sim Copter…fuck
that bullshit.
Then I saw
it. A box with a man from the bronze age clenching his sword
in defiance, ready for battle. The descriptions promised experiences
of accumulating wealth and conquering enemy civilizations.
It was Age of Empires, I had found my game.
From the moment
I began playing, I instantly became hooked and my addiction
grew rapidly from there. As the weeks passed, I found myself
building increasingly intricate cities, commanding powerful
armies and generally destroying all computer-controlled opposition.
With respect
to skill in the game, my ego had become huge. I knew that
the only thing left to do was go online and challenge other
human players. A few day later, I logged onto an online network,
browsing the hundreds of different opponents available, feeling
relieved that I was by no means the only person wasting a
beautiful, autumn Saturday afternoon of my youth.
Before I knew
it, I had officially begun my first online game. I frantically
set out to build my greatest city yet and an all-powerful
army. This was going to be glorious.
Twenty-seven
minutes later, my buildings were all destroyed and every one
of my characters lay slaughtered.
The words
were not frequently used at the time, but I was a total noob
and I had been owned. I was too upset to even appreciate the
cool blood and skeleton graphics all over the screen.
Being the
pre-teen of good character that I was, I graciously accepted
my humiliation by concluding that anyone skilled at online
gaming was a total fucking loser.
In all seriousness,
the experience showed me that online gaming just wasn’t
for me. Therefore, I took myself offline and permanently returned
to making artificial intelligence my bitch.
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- 8.09.2007
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