| Human
beings are a proud people who like to believe they are smart,
but the truth is, all of us are stupid in one way or another.
It never ceases to amaze me how people can be so sure of themselves,
regardless of how much information they lack or disregard.
The following groups of people make me cringe the most every
time they attempt to flex their intellectual muscles.
1.) Parents
I have plenty of respect for
those who invest their time in raising children, but not when
they get cocky about it. Too often, I’ve seen parents
act as if parenting is the hardest thing in the world and
that they are all-wise for having gone through it.
Have you ever been in this
situation? You’re talking to someone who is a parent
and then they begin to rant and rave about the troubles they
are having with their kids, implying that they want advice.
Then when you try to give them advice, they condescendingly
brush it aside, because you’re not them, and therefore,
you “wouldn’t understand”.
That’s right, no one
understands. No one else has ever gone through the process
of creating a zygote, incubating it for nine months, then
raising it as one of your own. No one else has ever even interacted
with a child. Only you have any idea what is best. If that
is how you feel, then at the very least, quit bothering me
with your parenting problems.
2.) Professionals
These people are legitimately
smart in their respective field of specialty. Unfortunately,
some of them would have you believe they are smart in everything,
and thus hot shit by association, when nothing could be further
from the truth. Take my one friend, for example. She’s
a nurse and loves to flaunt her knowledge about fancy medical
words, such as thrombolysis. But ask her to save a word document
to a flash drive and she will become like a deer in an SUV’s
headlights, only without the satisfaction of seeing the deer
get smashed into.
 |
She
always talks like Mr. T |
3.) Drivers
Anyone with a valid driver’s
license doesn’t need to be told how to drive. Even though
no two people drive exactly the same way, every motorist knows
the perfect way to drive.
I’ve learned a lot from
other drivers over the years. For example, by tailgating the
car in front of you, it’s possible to arrive at your
destination up to three seconds sooner, depending on your
speed. Also, yield signs are nothing more than fancy triangular
signs placed on roads for decoration so that you have something
cool to look at while aggressively merging onto a roadway.
And most importantly, you should never use parking lights
while entering and leaving a parking spot, especially when
in a high-volume-traffic urban area. Otherwise, you will look
like a dork and I’d sooner be roadkill than look dorky.
Once when I was younger, I
naively expressed the opinion to another driver that it was
wrong of him to do these things. I was promptly informed that
I was in fact a “fucking dickhead”. I’ll
never make that mistake again.
4.) Internet Commenters
“I’ve got a deep
void in my soul that can only be filled by mindlessly bitching
at others. I also have an internet connection. Comments section
here I come! My unwitty, snide comments could potentially
go to good use on important political and social issues, but
instead, I’m saving them for personal blogs, Youtube
videos, and ESPN Conversation.”
Did you know that only hack
writers say unfavorable things about your favorite sports
team? Professor rooostur breaks it down for us:
He won't like
Burnside's next article: "Fuck the Islanders and the
Faggy Borough they Play In"
Here’s another one. In
the midst of a long day of ditching class and surfing Youtube,
trevoski12 just couldn't resist making a snazzy comment filled
with nationalism.
 |
Damn,
I'd hate to be American beer right now. |
Considering that the video he commented on was just a bunch
of people drinking beer, I’m not sure things would have
been different at all.
5.) Internet Writers
 |
What
asshole writes an article like this? I like ruining
my skin. |
“Oh, look at me, I’ve
got my own blog or website, because I know how to structure
code, use Dreamweaver, or open up a Blogspot account. Everybody
listen up as I set the world straight with my writings, preferably
en an uninteligible maner.”
I can’t stand these guys.
Especially the ones who mix in short stories with their opinion
articles. As if anyone wants to read your lame-ass stories.
Go to hell.
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- 11.30.2007
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