The Twelve Best Reasons to Watch Basketball
March 30th, 2007

12.) You hate yourself.

11.) To enjoy watching 46 minutes of irrelevant action since 98% of the games are decided in the final two minutes.

10.) Someone triple-dog-dared you to do it and you're no chicken. God be with you.

9.) Your priest told you to do it as penance for your sins. Personally, I’d rather go to hell.

8.) To reassure yourself of your superiority over basketball fans.

7.) To serve as a punishment for your children. They'll never misbehave again.

6.) To perform a research study on how boring fourth quarters full of endless fouls somehow keep viewers tuned in and yet boring, overly defensive third periods of hockey nearly put the NHL out of business. But even if you figure this out, you're still a nerd for performing a research study.

5.) The game you tune in to might be the 1 out of 10,000 basketball games that contains a fight, therefore making it an acceptable alternative to a hockey or football game that is currently in a commercial break.

4.) To openly criticize the sport in front of your friends, relatives, or associates who are trying to enjoy the game.

3.) To pick up some pointers on improving your streetball game and image (Note: Be sure to get yourself murdered).

2.) Your girlfriend wants you to watch it with her and she has presented you with a written, signed contract promising you hot and steamy sex afterward, with an option for a second round, depending on your mood. Oral contracts should not be honored. However, be sure to dump her the very next day as this deal is barely worth it the first time and most definitely won't be worth it a second time.

1.) To satisfy your fetish for hearing sneakers squeak on a floor.

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3.30.2007

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